Talk openly but listen more

When the decision has been made to downsize, or a relative has passed, have open conversations as early on in the process as possible. For those who are downsizing, make sure you start the discussions by asking what that looks like for them and how you can help. As the person helping, your most important task at first is to listen. We all come to the table with specific ideas of how things should be done and it’s very easy to take over but hearing what your loved one wants and is important to them is a critical first step.

Matt Paradise of Massachusetts assisted his in-laws with clearing out their home so they could move in with he and his wife. He shares, “My wife and I were careful not to take over with our opinions. For example, we had ideas on how to maximize the value of the home as we prepared to sell it. We were careful to consider my in-laws budget and time frame. They were interested in selling as soon as possible so the stress of owning the home wasn't an ongoing burden.”

Collaborate as a team with clear goals

Matt and his wife found that ensuring goals were clarified was a helpful thing, “We found it helpful to clearly identify the goals of cleaning out the home and moving,” identifying what was most important to all involved. Feel free to throw out ideas which can sometimes lead to unexpected collaboration as Matt and his wife found out.

Matt didn’t realize that his in-laws weren’t familiar with yard sales as he had assumed so he was thankful that he brought it up. He says, “There is value in not taking things for granted and presenting new ideas. We suggested a yard sale for the many years of accumulated belongings. My in-laws weren't familiar with the concept and didn't think anyone would want old junk. Their minds were changed after we made several hundred dollars. My father in-law was so excited that he didn't need to pay for junk removal, and on top of that, made money!”

Embrace that things don’t always go to plan

The famous writer Robert Burns wrote, “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” These words ring true in this situation. When you’re taking on a job as big as clearing out an entire home, know that it will be impossible to fully control every step of the process. Matt shares, “My wife and I are careful planners, but we're learning to let go of the things we can't control and fully embrace the messiness of life. We can't change her parents to make decisions according to what we think is best and vice versa. We can't control health challenges or emergencies. They have and will continue to come, and usually it's never a good time. That's all just part of life and living it to the fullest.”